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Ram Builders Face Inquiry: “What Are The Wheels For?”

Ram Builders Face Inquiry: “What Are The Wheels For?”

SVASUD FASTE - A council was held here today to address why builders of siege rams continue to craft wheels for their weapons even though the rams cannot move.

Making these non-functioning wheels takes time and materials that could be better used for destroying the enemies of Midgard, say a growing number of critics. War leaders and strategists are concerned that critical minutes may be lost as crafters put the finishing touches on the smooth, round wheels that are then bolted to the ram, never to turn.

"It really doesn't make much sense, does it?" said Terrik Highnoon, spokesperson for the Midgardian Taxpayers' Union. "The rams just sit there, turning on their axes but never able to move even an inch closer to a door. Why don't we just put wings on the blasted things, they'd do as much good!"

The inclusion of wheels on the basic ram blueprint can be traced back to the famed architectural firm Weeble and Wobble Associates, credited for designing everything from the Jordheim main hall to the Thor's Hammer relic. WWA was assigned the ram project 20 years ago, in an attempt to find a faster way to break into enemy keeps.

Stories differ as to why exactly the wheels ended up in the final drawings. Some in the community claim that Albion Infiltrators snuck into the WWA offices and drew the wheels on in the middle of the night; others insist that Cravel Hootspotter, the old man credited with the design, was just a bit batty, and included the wheels so he could be pushed around town atop the ram once he was crowned the Great and Beneficent King of Pretzels.

Whatever the reason, officers of the Crafters Alliance are now debating what should be done about the wheels. Some favor removing the wheels, while others believe they should remain, if only for the sake of tradition. A vote is scheduled for next week.

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