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Gjalpinulva, Legion to Hold Grudge Match to Determine “Who's the Baddest”

Gjalpinulva, Legion to Hold Grudge Match to Determine “Who's the Baddest”

JORDHEIM - Gjalpinulva, the lupine dragon of Malmohus, and Legion, the soul-eating demon ruler of Darkness Falls, have agreed to a grudge match to determine once and for all which of them is the most feared creature in Midgard.

"The Brawl To End It All," as the battle has been dubbed, will take place at the Caesar's Palace Jordheim, and promises to be "the biggest entertainment extravaganza from Skona to Veldon," according to fight promoter Djonn Kingg.

"There will not be an empty seat in the house!" exclaimed Kingg at a promotional rally in Haggerfel yesterday. "You may as well shut down the realm, because there will not be a pair of eyeballs in Midgard that aren't watching! And you can quote me on that!"

The fight is the culmination of a series of increasingly caustic public statements issued between the two creatures last month, in which Gjalpinulva referred to Legion as "nothing more than an unruly mob of lost souls sewn together with cheap twine, and twice as stupid as all of them put together." Legion responded by saying, "You must pity the poor dragon, he thinks he's a wolf, and all he knows how to do is howl at the moon."

Overseeing Gjalpinulva's training at his workout facility in Malmohus, veteran trainer "Blackie" Snarltooth said that the dragon couldn't wait for the bout, and that his training was progressing well.

"He's hungry, and that's the most important thing," said Snarltooth. "He's got that fire in his belly -- literally!" The grizzled werewolf laughed uproariously as he walked back to the warmup area where Gjalpinulva was doing power crunches, only the first phase of his grueling 12-hour daily workout.

Whatever his outward confidence in the dragon's chances, however, one gets a decidedly different impression listening into their workouts. "You got heart, but you fight like a damn wolf!" Snarltooth could be heard yelling as he held the dragon's massive 30-foot punching bag.

In contrast, Legion's workouts are based on a high-tech regimen incorporating science, magic and the ethereal power of a thousand tortured souls screaming in perpetual agony. Legion's team of trainers believes his carefully-controlled training style will lead him to inevitable victory against the scrappy dragon.

The fireworks between the two powerful beasts began even before the fight, at a joint press conference to promote the event. Though the event began smoothly enough, the dragon and demon began posturing and trading insults, and soon the press conference erupted in a tussle between the two hulking monsters and their respective entourages. The fight was broken up quickly, but not before Gjalpinulva bit off a piece of Legion's ear, and the creatures' powerful area-effect attacks killed most of the reporters in attendance.

"We apologize for the many regrettable deaths that occurred at the press event last Tuesday," promoter Kingg said this morning. "But it just goes to show how exciting this fight will be! The power we won't be containin', and the people won't be complainin'! When the fire tears through the skies, they won't believe their eyes! The crowd may all be killed, but their dreams will be fulfilled! I got a million of em."

Tickets for the event are available from TicketBlaster for 2 platinum and up, and attendees are required to sign an Accidental Incineration or Disintegration waiver before entering.

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