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Midgard Dungeons Under Fire for OSHA Violations

JORDHEIM - After months of complaints from workers about slippery floors, precarious ledges with no safely railings and holes dropping through the world, Midgard authorities have initiated an investigation into several dungeons for possible safety code violations.

The Midgard Occupational Safety and Health Administration, the government office charged with ensuring safe working conditions in Midgard, issued a statement today questioning the current state of the dungeons, and calling for the cooperation of dungeon proprietors in ensuring the safety of dungeon staff and contractors.

"We have received reports of fractured limbs and even dismemberment as a result of poorly designed and maintained facilities," said MOSHA director Hieran Broglani at today's press conference. "Slime-covered stairways, inadequate ventilation, precarious ledges over pits of fire and other dangerous conditions are common in these dungeons. Midgard counts on its dungeon workers to keep our dungeons terrifying and perilous, and they cannot do their job if they themselves are in danger from an unsafe working environment."

The director named Spindelhalla, Varulvhamn, Nisse's Lair and the Vendo Caverns as the initial targets of the investigation. Other dungeons may be added to the list as the invesigation continues.

Spindelhalla's largest monster union, Arachnids Local 238, has recorded 130 injury reports in the last two months, including numerous dismemberments. So many arachites and ekpys have lost limbs due to falls and sharp edges that the union has set up a lost-and-found bin for limbs recovered from the dungeon's hallways.

"It's ridiculoussss," said one arachite worker who did not give his name. "We can't perffform our killing dutiesss if we always have to be worrrried about falling down a stairway and breaking offf our lassst two legs."

Many of the lupine workers in Varulvhamn have failed to show up to work in recent weeks because of unsafe conditions, threatening tourism and the dungeon's status as a top Skona Ravine attraction.

"I'm as devoted to my job as any werewolf, don't get me wrong," said Harvey Snarltooth, one of the werewolves who refused to come to work this week. "But if they can't maintain the dungeon and make sure it's safe to work in, they ain't gettin' me back in there. I'm just a contractor, I can go work over in Malmohus, or join the Werewolf Guard, where you don't have 20-ton rockslides burying your co-workers."

"Plus, have you been in there lately? It reeks!" he added. "When are they going to clean out all the decaying bodies? When they sink through the floor like that, where do you think they go? They just pile up in the basement, that's where. And our break room is down there!"

The owners of Spindelhalla and Varulvhamn, Dungeon Attractions Unlimited Inc., refused to comment for this story, but did issue a statement saying they "would fully cooperate with any investigation, and would never think of trapping investigators deep in their dungeons to torture them slowly if they found any violations."

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